


The Ones That Hover and Watch

by ermengarde



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, M/M, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They are <em>finally</em> getting somewhere, the years of flirting and hugging and kissing on stage and licking Gee's face and ignoring all the scummy fucks that Gerard hooked up with before he got clean are finally paying off, and Frank can hardly contain himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ones That Hover and Watch

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for my Trope Bingo prompt "Secret Virgin" (free space)  
> .  
> Please note that this fic contains possible triggers for:  
>  **Past Suicidal Thoughts** (canonical) and Drug Abuse (canonical). The character's lives, whilst far from perfect, are in a much happier place now, and if you would like some more information before you read the story (or don't) then please feel free to email me (my address is on my AO3 profile page). 
> 
> Does not contain healing cock.
> 
> I believe that we have photographic evidence that this story is absolutely not true.
> 
> Read over by Dapatty <3 <3 - any remaining ninja Scottishisms are all mine.

They are _finally_ getting somewhere, the years of flirting and hugging and kissing on stage and licking Gee's face and ignoring all the scummy fucks that Gerard hooked up with before he got clean are finally paying off, and Frank can hardly contain himself. They're in a hotel room, a really _nice_ hotel room, and they were watching _Shaun of the Dead_ and talking about being buddies and how it was awesome and then there was cuddling and now Frank's straddled across Gerard's lap and they're kissing and it's _awesome_ and Frank cannot hold still... his dick's _seriously_ happy and really, really, really wants to get intimately acquainted with Gee's in a friction-causing situation _right now_. Except....

Gerard grabs Frank by the shoulders and pushes him back a little, holding him way too fucking far away from his face. "I..." Gerard looks like he's about to cry and that's _really_ not the situation Frank thought he was in here. Frank's stomach drops and he tries to back away further but Gerard's got a pretty tight grip. "Frankie, I, I can't do this."

"What?" Frank says, he can't help himself, they've been working towards this for _years_ and... "I promise we won't fuck up the band." Frank is lying, he's got no idea if getting together will affect the band or not... he, like, he hopes not, he's got years and years of fantasy in his head where it works out just fine. Better than fucking fine, even, but he doesn't fucking care if it does, he just. This is _Gerard_. This is him and Gee and... Frank can feel pressure building at the back of his nose and he knows that means that he's about ten seconds away from a really fucking ugly cry and he _doesn't care_. They have to do this, they _have_ to.

"No." Gerard bites on his lip and squeezes tighter at Frank's shoulders. "I mean, I..." He reaches down with one hand and presses against Frank's boner. "I can't do _this_." Gerard drops his head forward, breaks eye contact. "It's... the meds, you know? They..." Gee takes his hand off of Frank's dick and starts gesticulating. Something in Frank's chest eases, he's got no fucking clue what's going on but Gerard's still holding onto him and he's gone into earnest explanation mode so it's going to be okay, he knows it's going to be okay.

Gerard takes a deep breath and Frank can feel the slight shudder when he does it. All Frank wants to do right now is hug the shit out of him, because Gee is his best friend, no matter what else is going on, and when Gee is upset Frank just wants to fix it. Frank curls his arms around Gerard's head and shoulders and pulls him in closer. "Just tell me Gee, we can work out whatever, you know?"

Gerard sniffs. "I... I've been on, like, mood altering shit my whole life, you know?"

Frank nods, he does know. Gerard's been on prescription shit for as long as Frank's known him, and he knows that Gerard did some significant attenuation to that with booze and pills and whatever else for a long, long time, too.

"I thought you were kind of at a balance with that now?" Frank says, carefully. He thinks of Gerard's sobriety as a fragile thing, still, Gerard fought _so hard_ to get clean and he's fighting with his own brain chemistry to stay there. Frank thinks Gerard is the strongest person he's ever met.

Gerard nods. "Yeah, yeah it's good right now, I... things are in color, in my head, and my brain isn't running off on its own. It's good; I'm good, but..." Gerard takes another deep breath and the shudder is still there. Frank rubs a soothing hand up and down Gerard's back. 

"Frankie, all these fucking pills I take, they've got side effects, you know?"

Frank nods, he knows, Gerard's palate is fucking weird because of them, like, there are a bunch of things he can't eat because they taste like metal or whatever. It can be a little hard to keep up with, but Frank's not exactly an un-fussy eater himself, so whatever, it's not a problem. 

"They. I can't." Gerard's arm flails around like he's trying to pull coherence from the air. "I can't get hard." Gerard says in a tiny voice.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Gerard's shoulders slump. "My dick's broken." 

Frank can feel Gerard trying to pull away, to pull himself into a ball or some shit and that is _not happening_. "I don't love you for your dick." Frank is kind of annoyed, sex is awesome, sure, but seriously, Gerard's _brain_ is broken if he thinks that Frank only wants him for his penis. " _Dick._ You seriously... Gee, I love you. I don't care if I never fucking have sex again if I get to, like, be with you."

Gerard makes a tiny noise. "But. But you talk about it _all the time_."

"Yeah, so? I'm a dude, it's what we do. I can jerk off, you know? I don't.... Gee, tell me what you want from me here? Okay? Use your words." Frank is totally borrowing from Gerard's therapist, but whatever, it's healthy to talk, right?

"I. Frankie. I." Gerard tries to flail again, but Frank's holding him pretty tightly. "I love you."

Frank beams, he can't help it, his whole entire self is filled right up with way too much happy to contain. He squeezes the _shit_ out of Gerard.

"Ahhh, air, I need! Breathe!" 

Frank loosens off a little.

"I. Okay." Gerard says and takes a steadying breath. There's no shudder there any more so Frank kisses the top of his head. "I've never done this before? I... I've not been near anyone since I cleaned up, you know?" 

Frank nods, he totally does know. It's been a lot better than watching Gee fuck off with skanks all the time. 

"And before, I... junkies aren't fussy. _I_ wasn't fussy, it didn't matter, you know? Half the time no one's junk worked and the other half just touching, like the inside of someone's elbow was enough, it didn't fucking _matter_ that I..."

"Wait, what?" Frank's pretty sure that he's hearing this wrong. "You've _never_?"

Gerard shakes his head. "I mean, like, I've had boners, you know, but not... not like, since anyone else wanted to use them."

"Fuck." Frank strokes the back of Gerard's neck. That is _fucked up_ , he knew that drugs were, like, _bad_ but _fuck_. Wasn't coke supposed to be the boner drug?

Gerard nods. "Yeah."

"Um. Have you..." Frank doesn't quite know how to ask. "Have you told anyone?"

"You."

"No, I mean like your Doctor? I know it's, like, a side effect, but..." Frank's pretty sure that not having had a boner since he was a kid means that there's something wrong with Gerard and that should probably be investigated.

Gerard shrugs. "I figured I was lucky, you know?"

"Umm." Lucky is not how Frank would put it.

"Like, I didn't _catch_ anything or... I'm not dead, you know? I could have died."

Frank feels sick.

Gerard sighs. "I wanted to, you know?"

Frank can only nod and hold onto Gerard as tight as possible. He knows, they all know, and thinking about it is terrifying.

"Hey, no." Gerard curls his gesturing hand around Frank's waist. "I don't want to any more, the meds stop all of that, I'm _fine_ Frankie, I promise, but, like, I... it seemed kind of stupid to say that I think I've broken my dick with all of the shit I've taken when I should really just be happy that I'm still here."

"That's not how it works, Gee." Frank says, quietly. "I mean, I'm going to love you no matter what, you know? Your dick could totally fall off and I'd still..." Gerard squeaks. "I'd still love you even if I had to mop your piss up off of the floor every single day because pissing standing up is difficult if you're dickless, but Gee... you need to talk to a Doctor about this."

Gerard squirms underneath Frank, which is kind of uncomfortable. Frank's boner's been subsiding, and mostly fucked off completely when Gerard started talking about dying, but, you know, _friction_. 

"Will you come with me?" Gerard says, mostly into Frank's chest.

"If you want me to, yeah, of course I will." Frank can't imagine how being there is going to make that any less of an embarrassing conversation for Gerard to have, in fact he thinks that, if anything, having Frank there as the obvious potential _recipient_ of any boner Gerard could have will only up the embarrassment factor, but if Gerard wants him there, Frank will be there.

"Okay. Thank you Frankie, I promise I'll talk to him."

Frank kisses the top of Gerard's head again. "Hey, I'm pretty beat, you wan..."

"Oh, yeah, sure, I'll... which bed do you want?"

"The one with you in it." Frank leans back a little and looks at Gerard.

"Uhh." Gerard looks confused.

"I love you. You love me. I think we should be boyfriends now." Frank says, because it is the easiest thing in the world.

"But."

"Boyfriends. Not fuckbuddies, Gee." Frank grins at Gerard as Gerard's face begins to clear a little. "Boyfriends means I get to share a bed with you, and all of the cuddles I want." Frank kisses the end of Gerard's nose. "Okay?"

Gerard smiles up at Frank and it is _gorgeous_. "Yeah, yeah, please." He says.

"Awesome." Frank stands up and holds out his hand to Gerard. "Come on then, bedtime."

**Author's Note:**

> Wonderfully podficced by the delightful Dapatty [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1563224)


End file.
